The apartment is empty tonight….and lonely….

He’s working. She’s in Arizona. She’s in the Springs.

So here I sit….just me and the dog.

Too many thoughts running through my head…..and this is when my mind is my worst enemy.

Here we go again……two steps backwards on the whole “Trusting completely” thing…..why do all these bitches hate me?? Why can’t everybody just leave me the fuck alone and let me be happy with him? SO once again I get to spend nights waiting for his phone call to make sure he got home ok…..and wondering what bitch is going to try to steal him from me next.

THIS. IS. NOT. ME.

I am not a jealous girl! I give my boyfriends all the leash they want! I never have second thoughts when it comes to trusting them! And now it’s all I can do to make sure I’m not coming across as a total psycho.

Fan. Fucking. Tastic.

I hate this. It’s so fucking retarded. I hate myself….I hate that stupid cunt that did this to me……and I hate the way this feels. But more than anything….I hate not trusting him fully.

I don’t wanna be mean…..but this whole living together thing isn’t going completely like I thought it would….

Its not too bad….really its not

But sometimes I feel like it’s always them against me.

I’m sick of the doors being left unlocked. I’m sick of them playing beer pong with beer instead of water like I asked them too (seriously I don’t want our carpets to smell like stale, moldy beer….is that such a bad thing??) and I’m sick of my hair smelling like cigarettes because we can’t go anywhere without them lighting up. I seriously hate the smell of cigarettes they make me absolutely nauseous. 

I love that we all get along very well for the most part. I love that they are both big enough people to admit when they’re wrong. I love Ali’s dog. I love that we keep the house pretty clean and well stocked with food. I love that we agree on what to watch on tv. And mostly I love living on my own but seriously…..some things need to change.